People pleasing

Some of us grew up in homes where keeping the peace felt more important than being ourselves. We learned to sense tension before it was named, to shift our tone, mask our needs, even change our personality to match what others needed. If love or approval felt uncertain, we became whoever the room required—just to stay connected. But over time, this strategy costs us our sense of self.

People may describe us as kind, helpful, easygoing. And it’s true—we know how to make others feel ok. But beneath that is often a constant internal negotiation: what do I need to give up to stay in connection? It might look like saying yes to dinner plans when we’re too tired to go, or avoiding a disagreement even when something matters. The cost of chronic pleasing is usually quiet, but deep—resentment, exhaustion, and a slow drift away from our own wants. When we say yes out of fear, we can lose track of what we actually want.

It’s not easy to stop. Saying no can feel risky. We might wonder if we’ll still be liked. If we’ll lose the closeness we’ve worked so hard to maintain. But the truth is, our “yes” means more when it comes from a place of choice, not fear. When was the last time you said yes—and really meant it?

Therapy can help us reconnect with the part of ourselves that knows what we want, even if it’s been buried. Sometimes that reconnection brings a quiet sense of relief—a growing steadiness, like we’re finally making space for ourselves. It’s not about becoming selfish. It’s about learning that we don’t have to disappear to be loved.